Comparisons are odious

If there's one thing most of us can congratulate ourselves on it's being really good at comparing ourselves unfavourably with others. It's a fantastic way of dis-empowering ourselves -- particularly since we never do it fairly or accurately. Some years ago I was working with a woman who had just given birth to a much longed-for baby. Tears poured down her face a she told me that she felt such a failure. When I enquired with some astonishment as to where she thought her failure was lying, it emerged that she felt that she ought to be able to be a super-mother and a super, high flying career woman with a three month old baby.
It turned out that she was comparing herself or meauring her failure (depending on how you look at it) with a friend who is happily pursuing her career with tons of energy whilst parenting a son. "What age is her son?" I asked. Twelve she replied. It simply hadn't occurred to her that caring for a small baby might just be a tad more energy-draining than mothering a 12-year-old. The sleep deprivation and hormonal disruption just seemed to slip her mind. This is equivalent to trying to compare a pound of butter with a packet of soap powder and you can just bet that when you feel you don't measure up, you're doing exactly the same thing.

Women have been inflicting this injustice on themselves for years, of course. When you're a fabulous, sexy fifty-year-old do you measure yourself against another woman of your own age? Perish the thought. You compare yourself to some air-brushed model who's 19 years old and size 8. Not of course that you should be comparing yourself with anybody. You're a unique human being, so there can be no comparison.

Men do it too, and both sexes create immense amounts of unnecessary misery for themselves by measuring their success in terms of comparing jobs, cars, houses, holidays and all the other external, material things we use to affirm that we're here, we're happy and we're winning. Eh, winning what exactly? The battle of superiority, perhaps? Well if that's your arena of combat you might as well lay down your weapons right now. That particular battle has no winners.

How you look, what you own and what you've achieved are effects not causes. Each and every one needs to be a by-product of your focus, your passion and your capacity to allow yourself to have and be what you truly want. If you enjoy working 12 hours a day, by all means do it. You'll emerge bright of eye and bushy of tail. If you're doing it because you think it's your only means of gaining the trophies of success, you may get them that way too -- along with stress related illnesses, bags under your eyes and your very own demon dancing on your shoulder.